Death: Not Right Now

I stood on the boundary of the terrace, my legs were shaking but my will was strong. I was to jump down the terrace and end all this happening with me. I stood there shaking but determined. After all I wanted everything to end. My body was all shaking and my mind and brain were arguing with themselves. Very less time and decision to jump or not was in progress.

I kept standing there for an hour. The time leaped from midnight to dawn and I kept standing thinking should I or should I not? The critical time my memories kept on flashing in my mind all good memories but with that my journey of dark time was also flashing. I imagine it now; if I would have been able to record this scenario but I had no phone with me?

The time was moving and I kept on standing thinking, examining critically all things. The cool wind was pushing me back and the deathly stillness was talking to me. The silent night was consoling me as if it did not wanted me to die. The tears were rolling out of my eyes and I lifted one leg up to jump down to death.

As I started to push myself forward to death, something happened and with sudden force my body was pushed backward. I fell on the terrace and my legs bombarded in the wall of terrace leading to sprain in my ankle and a cut on my foot. The blood was sprinting out and somebody seemed to be whispering in my ear. I could not understand what but there was something and then the death spoke “today is not your number lad, go down and work it will all be fine someday after”.

The word of death shuddered a wave of thunder through me. I thought I was dreaming. I was shocked to be sitting on the terrace though I knew I was not able to deal the situation ongoing in my life but I was literally going to kill myself made me think how coward I was. Despite the failure and turmoil the death was not willing to take me. The thing it said to me in my ear I began to decode.

The death said “I will not take you today neither I will let you kill yourself because you have not labored enough to reach me”. The death mocked my effort to collect myself amidst everything to jump. It mocked for I was a failure and it shattered my strength to think again to end myself. That conversation with death opened my eyes to realize failure is just a step to success and success is all about how you failed to rise above. In present time I am living a life owned to death and I am happy to deal with failure and I thank death for not letting me end myself. Because with the end of myself I would never had explored what I am.

And now when hard time comes where my mind is not able to think I just say “Death Not Right Now” and I feel relaxed and contented.